I’m reminded of the film ‘Lethal Weapon 2,’ and of Joe Pesci’s character Leo Getz, whose reaction during a drive-thru scene when he gets wrong with his fast-food order. “They screw you at the drive-thru,” said Getz. I of course paraphrase.
Well I had a run in with a drive-thru order lately in the form of a Funeral Home in Pearland, where I received an unsolicited call from a Family Service Advisor. Of course all of what I write here is alleged, but I have my suspicions.
It had been a long time since I had spoken with a representative from the Funeral Home since my Mother Angie passed away five years ago, only visiting the family graves when I was in Pearland.
The FSA I was scheduled to meet with was a no-show due to legitimate vehicle concerns, so I met with another representative. I started with a complaint, in my frustration that my Mother’s name plate had never been installed since she passed away in April 2021, so I had some leverage in my future negotiations.
In going through the contracts including my parents, who were first made aware of funeral home concerns in 1968, just three years after they were married. My parents’ forethought in future inevitable events such as death, was connected to my father’s parents, with my grandfather being 45 years older than my father, just 30 at the time. So in handling my grandparents future arrangements, my parents completed their own, and plots were a lot cheaper back then you can imagine. Somehow, with caring for his aging parents, it instilled a sense of maturity or responsibility, and claimed future generations to embrace some success, rather than just fading into generation after generation of families that live at, or are barely surviving above the poverty level. Expectations were made and abided by.
With a little military service by my father and an idea of setting an example for his children by at last getting a GED while in his 30’s, giving his children some hope for the future. And my father was quite successful, despite being the son of a sharecropper. My mother was a nurse, and a good organizer, and that records keeping idea was passed on to me. One of my jobs in the Army, when I wasn’t out with the field artillery, armor, EOD, or infantry guys, was screening nuclear personnel which required a lot of organization.
I always kept a portable file container that went with me so I could track my spending. I had learned to balance a checkbook as a teen overseas, and started my first Individual Retirement Account as an 18 year old, even before leaving for my first duty station in West Germany.
While overseas I put money aside monthly for future travels, mainly back to Texas. European travel was mostly covered by lets say ‘friends,’ but to get away from it all, I’d take an occasional long weekend at a resort, which was way above the costs of my military pay scale.
Throughout the years, I’ve continued to maintain my diligence in regards to records keeping, and having that ability has saved thousands of dollars on multiple occasions. I remember one time in the early 90’s, my father asked my help in finalizing a deal for a Dodge dually truck he had made a contract with at a dealership out of Lufkin. The truck was popular and had to be factory ordered, and with my father being terrible at paperwork, I started a file with all the available documents I could find including a copy of the original contract done well over six-months earlier. When it came time to pick-up the truck, the deal had totally changed, with the dealership tacking on another $8,000 more than I was expecting. I simply pulled out the original contract and a cashier’s check ready for the initially agreed upon purchase price and said, “Take it or leave it.” They took it.
Companies count on the simplicity of their customers, their lack of records keeping skills, forgetfulness, and the inability to put two and two together. And places like car dealerships and funeral homes, places we rarely visit, can take advantage of their customers soaking them for thousands more than is actually necessary.
Funeral homes can be a particular place where families can be taken advantage of especially for families of loved ones who have Pre-Paid plans. And technology has a part to play in this, so be careful. In my encounter with the FSA at my Funeral Home, after going through my parents contracts, where it was determined that my mother’s nameplate had indeed been paid for and never installed, my paperwork was pulled up on their magnificent television sized display, designed to impress no doubt, but was as worthless as the information contained in their system.
I knew going into the Funeral Home appointment, that the unsolicited call was a five-year shakedown for a few more thousand quid into the home’s coffers. I was expecting to be offered, perhaps a new service that allowed my loved ones to communicate with me from the great beyond. I jest of course, but what I discovered with my paperwork that I viewed on the screen, was a shell compared to the version that I maintained in my physical and digital files at my residence. With funeral homes now going solely to computerized records, the paper contracts they maintained previously on-site in their offices, are now conveniently located in storage, at least they better be. And families such as mine, if I were a bad records keeper, would be forced to repay thousands of dollars for service contracts I had already shelled out money for and paid off. I was even granted a 2nd Right of Interment, which was not in the electronic file, as was most of my documents.
I urge you to make physical copies of any carbon copies, because those are designed to fade over time, and if a document is unable to read, what’s not on the document doesn’t mean squat, and what’s on the contract may not be in their files.
Pre-paid funeral home customers, and I’m not saying it’s happening in Montgomery County, but if it’s happening in Brazoria County, with my own personal circumstance, then it’s very possible it could be an area or industry wide practice.
I’m not blaming the FSA for the discrepancy in their lack of my full records load in their system, but when I was burying my mother in 2021, it was shortly afterwards that I updated my policy, so as not to have any heirs worry so much about my final arrangements, and I of course kept all my copies.
Funeral Directors don’t just stay in their own circle of influence, they attend conferences at the Texas and National Funeral Directors’ Level, so relationships with colleagues in Texas, and across the nation can develop. And what happens at their conferences, besides breakout sessions and keynote speeches? Directors and Sales personnel have dinner, drinks, and perhaps some other fun; and they will at least talk ‘a little shop,’ exchanging new ways of separating money from the pocketbooks of their new and pre-paid customers.
Yes, at the time of greatest distress to families in their loss of a loved one, some families shell out the cost of medium-sized car for caskets with elaborate art work and other amenities that will have an above-ground shelf-life of just a few hours, and you wonder why so many families are choosing more affordable cremation for families on a budget. That of course bites into profits at funeral homes.
Funeral homes never tell families of separate retail businesses that specialize in caskets, headstones, and even cremation sales, at a considerable savings of 200-400% under the convenience of the Funeral Home. So with proper planning and responsible family members ready when the time comes, a lot of money can be saved.
For pre-paid customers, the maintenance of the contracts, and again, a responsible family member, can lead to much less grief at the time of loss. Don’t wait for an unsolicited call that brought this contract condition to my attention. Gather your records and make an appointment with your Funeral Service Advisor at your funeral home, whether it be on Hwy 105, Loop 336, or on I-45. There is no harm in checking to see if your Funeral Home is an honest broker or not.
Ask for the actual paper contracts and files, and match it document for document with your records. Don’t just trust the computer screen, because like me, your records in their computer system, quite possibly can be left unscanned, whether it be accidental or ordered at the executive level.
I knew my pre-paid contract situation going into the appointment, and I’ve told my heirs where all the documents are located if something should happen to me. So protect yourself, and inform a trusted family member of your circumstance.
What I experienced is a dangerous endeavor for funeral homes if there is more to this than I suspect. I could file a lawsuit for material breach of contract, for my mother’s nameplate, and the lack of records in regards to my own contracts.
Having Peace of Mind, and planning ahead will prevent a lot of headaches for loved ones you wish to protect when you do eventually pass-on to the Next World. So protect yourself.
Ruben can be reached at: ruben@montgomerycountynews.net